Growing up, I had no idea how challenging life can be. When you see Harold & I, we may be all smiles. But deep down, we are tearing apart. This is the MOST challenging time of our lives. Our relationship has changed, but I know that in the end, our marriage will be stronger than it ever has been. Some days I say, "Life Sucks". But at the same time, I also see the light at the end of the tunnel!!
I'm sure Harold will probably get mad for me telling this, but we need your support. Harold sits at home all day (obviously not by choice) and all he thinks about is what he could be doing. So, he's starting to get bummed out. I've noticed that last couple weeks that he's been different at home. He won't tell me what's on his mind...I feel like he's got a wall up with me. But I've also noticed that the littlest thing sets him off...more than usual. Me and the boys are having to walk on eggshells to make sure we don't make him mad. He seems to be short fused and gets agitated very quickly. Well, anyone who knows our boys, knows that they will drive you nuts on a normal day! :) I know Harold doesn't mean to be that way, so I called 3 people looking for advice and help. I talked with his nurse at Duke, the Neuro Psychologist at Duke and his Radiation Oncologist here at the Cancer Center. But it took me posting the questions on the brain tumor message board to find out what's really going on. There's so much that the doctors don't tell you. I'm sure they have their reasons, but sometimes they need to have some common sense.
With that said, I found out that Keppra has some pretty serious side effects, including aggression, being angry, etc. Obviously, we don't want to mess up the good effects of the medicine; Harold needs to stay seizure-free. So, the doctors decided that another medicine would help counteract those feelings. I'm sure Harold is down about staying home and feeling dependent on everyone. And there's nothing wrong with needing some extra medication. It's only temporary! It'll take about 2 weeks for us to notice if it's helping him. Hopefully, Harold will be back to himself by Christmas. I noticed (as well as others) that when we ask Harold about hunting, he has no interest. And for those who know Harold, that's NOT normal.
So, I just wanted to let everyone know that if you see Harold and he's not himself, he's ok. He just has alot on him mind as the rest of us do. Please help us by stopping by to visit with him during the week. Or if possible, pick him up and let him ride with you for a little while. There's only so much I can without missing alot of work. Of course, the only downside to this is that he can't be gone for too long. He's gets extremely tired. Not the tired like you and I get...this is a fatigue that sends him straight to bed almost immediately. Yesterday, he seems fine, but called me at 3pm and said he was going to bed. Hit him like a brick wall. That's normal too. He's going to get more tired as the weeks go by. Just keep that in the back of you mind too when you pick him up for a joyride.
I love Harold more than he'll ever know. And I'm here for him 200%++. He needs to understand that our lives are forever changed, and he is still here for a reason. It's only been 7 1/2 weeks since his surgery. And he's doing awesome!
Thank you for your prayers and kind words!!
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